aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
