I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
