Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
