So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
