He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
