piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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