Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
