what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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