good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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