I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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