we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
