took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
