she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
