Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
