I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
