i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
