i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
