You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
