i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
