Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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