He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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