To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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