I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
