Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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