If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
