I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
