Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
