I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
