dude i'm inner monologue high
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
