I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
