Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
