Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
