So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
