we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize