if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
