i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
