it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
