please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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