Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
