Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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