Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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