I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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