My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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