I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
