i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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