Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
