Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
