what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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