Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
