You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
