Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
