Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
