I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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