You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize