I can tuck mytits in my pants
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's no shave November. This is our time.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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