Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
