this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
