Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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