First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize