I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
