Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
