There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
