as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
