the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
