The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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