I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
