Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
time to smoke my breakfast
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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