Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize