I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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