Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
