Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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