you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think i got beer on your cat.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
