honey bunches of taint.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
