nut hugger
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
