First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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