Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
