Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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