Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
