hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize