My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
