He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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