Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
