Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
