New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
