Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize