Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
