wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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