Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
