Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The adults are the big ones right?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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