I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
