just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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