the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
