Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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