Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
