I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm like, not good at living.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
